A common but not often spoken about issue that causes blocks in dating and relationships, is the fear of intimacy. Being vulnerable with a significant person, revealing parts of yourself that not everyone gets to see, or parts of yourself you were unaware of is always exposed in romantic connections. It creeps in and shines a light on unhealed wounds that you tried so hard to hide in casual connections that when faced with a potential partner, it’s about making a choice on whether to take flight and flee the connection, fearlessly fight and deny your flaws, or be open to healing and developing a strong bond with your person.
If we go back to the story between Tristan and Brenda, and Brenda’s fear of abandonment. We can understand that Brenda’s behaviour is showing signs of having a difficulty with intimacy with her new boyfriend. Instead of communicating with her partner about how she’s feeling and working through her issues. She exhibits behaviours that may confuse or push away her partner.
Signs of fear of intimacy are:
Brenda causes conflicts and becomes controlling to avoid expressing her true feelings of being scared to reveal her true needs and feelings.
Brenda doesn’t always feel worthy of love so she attempts to be a perfect person to earn Tristan’s love, instead of being showing all parts of herself.
Previous experiences has caused Brenda to be distrustful of others, so she fears rejection if she shows her true self.
The impact of fear of intimacy can range from serial dating to experiencing depression and anxiety to social isolation, if not explored and addressed to have fulfilling relationships.
There are many ways to resolve fear of intimacy such as:
Self-reflection and having self-awareness of the root cause that could stem from earlier childhood experiences or an experience in your adult life.
Exploring the trauma with a therapist that gives you the opportunity to revisit the experience in a safe and supportive environment.
If you would like to explore intimacy issues further, please feel free to contact me: tanya.therapies.london@gmail.com
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